Christmas Sex Toy Stocking Fillers

Lovehoney Dare Discreet Necklace Vibrator

This delightful piece of jewellery doubles as a discreet vibrator. It works wonderfully under the Christmas tree, at the dinner table, or while pulling a cracker. Although designed for intensely focused clitoral stimulation, we found all sorts of other intimate and unlikely places to insert it! Didn’t we, slave Andy?! (Gagged Andy is nodding).

Plunge Paddle

If your sadistic nature demands that, as well as a kiss under the mistletoe, you reward your subs with a fucking thwack, not only does this thwack arses with sonorous echo, but turn it around and it doubles as a fuck stick to thoroughly probe your slave’s chimney! We love a bit of festive slap and tickle.

Balldo Ball Dildo

This delightfully original piece of rubber gives ‘going balls deep’ a new and thrilling meaning. Push your bollocks through the rings so they sit snugly at your cock base, and then wriggle your mulled plums inside the window. Gawp as your balls have been refashioned into a precision dildo! With a little cling film, duct tape and gymnastic ability it’s now possible to tie up a couple of twinks, and … wait for it … fuck two holes with just one cock. Happy holidays!

Pluggy RC by Nomi Tang

Forget pigs in blankets on a lazy susan (unless you have a cold draughty mediaeval dungeon and a plethora of hungry slaves) and instead use this wondrous prostate stimulator to hit the spot. It spins right round, baby, with rotating beads and earth-moving motions. When your boring relatives start talking, having a Pluggy RC inhabiting your hole will ensure your small talk is full of Christmas cheer! Note, this device includes a remote control device to help Masters and Mistresses cause situations of remarkable humiliation.

Rose Ball Gag

We all like floral arrangements for Crimbo, and now you can prettify your ugly sub with this gorgeous rose petal ball gag. The removable floret means you can shove in a cocktail sausage, carrot or gravy from a spigot when it comes to mealtime.

Vac-U-Lock – Deluxe 360° Swivel Suction Cup Plug

Ever felt like being fucked sideways? Well now you can with this ball swivel 360-degree suction cup plug. Place dildos in every crevice and hidey-hole in your home. Open up your closets like a kinky advent calendar and treat yourself to a different fuck spot each day in the run-up to Christmas!

Spread Em Stainless Steel Poker Labia Clamp with Adjustable Pressure Screws

Add some culture to your Christmas party games with this frightfully kinky labial spreader that turns any cunt into a work of art. So much so, that after Mistress Desdemona installed one of these onto complaint bitch Sandra, we placed a tinselled picture frame around her well-pruned ho-ho-hoe and invited everyone to critique it. It’s perfect for degrading self-absorbed influencer types!

Sport Fucker Adjustable Travel Sling

Discreet, and easy to set up and pack away we highly recommend this restraint device. Five minutes to spare at Christmas? You’ll have your sub bent up and ready for Santa to come down his chimney in no time! Don’t forget to leave some mulled lube and a mince pie with freshly grated nutmeg!

Satisfyer Men Vibration

Insert your member into the ergonomic holy of holes and rejoice as your glans is stroked, massaged, squashed, licked, sucked, manoeuvred, mashed, machine-tooled and coaxed into a hands-free orgasm. Why wank at all when this gadget can gift wrap a wondrous sexmas for your jingle bell-end?

Silicone Fusion Infinity Electro Pinwheel

We love running this sensory terrorizer over nipples, navels, buttocks, erect cock shafts, taints, scrotums, labia, frenulae and urethral openings. Especially urethral openings. Enough writing. Time to zap some rosy buttons and baubles.