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Mr Hankey’s Toys

By Master John
Updated on Aug 19, 2023

Reading time: 4 minutes

Mr. Hankey’s Lampwick and El Rey dildo toys

It belongs in The Louvre

Mr. Hankey’s Toys is a dildo firm which specializes in highly detailed phalluses for the more ambitious openings.

It belongs in The Louvre.

Calling one of these a dildo is probably a disservice. A sculptured love-tool, a signature object d’art or a statement of sex might be more accurate. A Mr. Hankey Toy could double as a unique interior decor ornament or urban-chic apartment-living talking point. It will never leave you short for words. Mistress Desdemona couldn’t resist the Nicholas Cage line when opening the box. “It belongs in The Louvre,” she said.

At first glance at the images you’d think these might be squarely aimed at men with fulfilment fantasies but of course these fantastic penises will appeal to every gender. But more than gender, it’s those with a kink mindset – a drive for more – a penchant for progress, who will want to wrap an orifice around one of these.

Imagine Rasputin after three orgasms but room for half a dozen more

There’s a perfect hardness to Mr. Hankey’s toys. There are no flaccid vegetables or pseudo baseball bats here. Imagine Rasputin after three orgasms but room for half a dozen more. There’s just enough suppleness to facilitate entry, but plenty of rigidity for a demanding and expansive fuck. Ours were all mediums – and we’d recommend this for hard drilling realism; although the softer 75% option is fantastic for squeezing and working into an anus more gradually.

Perfect for deep throat training

Mr. Hankey’s toys come in three colors. Natural tan, deep brown and black. Ours are in tan. There’s a certain urgency about this colour. It’s somewhere between throbbing sun-soaked and over-eager cock ring constriction.

it sits up at, and demands, full attention.

With the perfectly defined veins, curves, wrinkles and ridges, it sits up at, and demands, full attention. The foreskin on the El Rey is a cool touch. Our hooded slave was encouraged to practise a variety of mouth fucking techniques to exercise and educate his embouchure and throat. His tongue just couldn’t stop playing with the partially protruding glans and attempting, in futile frustration, to orally excavate the uncut knob. The El Rey almost squirmed. A delight to watch.

A perfect foreskin - the El Rey dildo

Then there’s the ‘Remove-O-Balls’ attachment. These balls are weighty and they swing! Imagine the arse-slapping sounds dubbed into hard core porn movies. Now, not only hear the buttock thwacking, but feel it too – two distinct wrecking balls impacting your behind with momentum. It’s better than the movies! Mistress Desdemona had another idea. She lashed the detachable cajones to the end of a thick latex cane for some hardcore ball to ball flogging.

Remove-O-Balls

We tried all three dongs with fucking machines. The two Lampwick models were ideal for a Shockspot fucking machine, and, in our view, suitable for all well-built medium and lower power models. The faster and more varied programs from the Shockspot were a perfect match – enough power for the girth and length of cock, but plenty of scope for well-lubed rabbit fucking motions. The El Rey is stretching not just the Shockspot’s capabilities, but also the sub on the receiving end. It’s more than possible but requires some adjustments – such as weighting down the Shockspot base legs, and ensuring the bottom is perfectly lined up, greased and relaxed.

“Your sub will moan in many languages of pleasure. Orgasms will be etched on its soul.”

With a Kong fucking machine – perhaps the machine with the rawest forwards/backwards power on the market – there were no such ingenuity or tweaks required. A Kong will power an El Rey through any living and willing obstacle. Linger on that thought. Slave Owner Roger, who used this combination with registered slave “Door Mat” became slightly spiritual when asked about the El Rey. He said, “Your sub will moan in many languages of pleasure. Orgasms will be etched on its soul.”

We wholeheartedly recommend Mr. Hankey’s Toys. There are perfect for creative BDSM scenarios; but also ideal for high powered fucking machines, slippery play, oral technique training, progressive dilation, straightforward arse stuffing, and mind-fucking shock and awe value. They also play well as strap-ons and are designed to last a lifetime.

A Mr. Hankey’s toy is a bucket list sex purchase if there ever was one.

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Reviewer

Reviewer: Master John

I love kink. I particularly enjoy large anal plugs, expanding inflatables, deep insertions and prostate massages. I've recently branched out into estim for prostate massage and exotic programmable fucking machines. There's nothing like trying it all out on an unsuspecting sub first, male, female or transgender...

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